The question “Why?” binds you to the past.
When you look at an error in judgment and ask “Why did I do that?” or “Why did they treat me this way?”, you force your brain to hunt for justifications. You dig through old memories to find evidence of your flaws. This interrogation floods your system with stress hormones. You relive the error every time you try to explain it. You stay trapped in a loop.
A client came to me last week convinced she suffered from “low self-esteem.” She spent her days asking, “Why am I never enough?”
This constant questioning created a physical tightness in her chest. She interpreted this sensation as a permanent character defect. In reality, her “self-esteem” issue existed only as a chemical reaction to a bad question.
We stopped looking for the “Why.” We focused on How she maintained that state.
“How” belongs to the present. It maps the mechanics of your behavior.
- How do I trigger this feeling?
- How do I notice the exact second my internal dialogue moves?
- How do I respond differently right now?
“How” provides the tools to rebuild your reactions. It places you in control of your current experience.
We resolved her struggle by neutralizing the emotional trigger. The “low self-esteem” vanished the moment she stopped the chemical reaction.
We used a process called Collapsing Anchors. This technique mixes a resourceful state with a limiting one to break the old pattern. It clears the “Why” and leaves room for the “How.”
I updated the guide on using this process to clear the cognitive debris from your past errors.
Access the Collapsing Anchors Worksheet here.
I hope that’s helpful.
Enjoy your weekend,
Shlomo Vaknin, C.Ht Erickson Institute
This is a copy of the newsletter that was sent out on January 9, 2026.