This is a copy of the newsletter that was sent out on October 24h, 2025.
You decide to stop checking your phone all the time. You tell yourself you’ll only look at it every couple of hours. The first morning goes well. You feel lighter and more focused. By afternoon, a strange unease creeps in, and you experience a low dose of anxiety. You start wondering if someone has written to you, if you’ve missed something important. Your hand moves toward the phone almost on its own.
Your brain reads that change as risk. It built the habit of feeling safe through predictability. Every small assurance gave your mind reassurance that the world was still in order, that people remembered you, and that nothing had gone wrong. When you stop, your brain loses that steady feedback and reacts with alarm.
That alarm doesn’t mean the change is wrong. It means your nervous system is learning a new pattern. The same thing happens when you start exercising after years of sitting or when you decide to speak more openly with someone close to you. Your body looks for the old signs of safety and doesn’t find them, so it tightens up and protests.
You can handle that internal protest by paying attention to what happens inside you. When you feel the pull to check your phone, stop. Notice what picture appears in your mind. Maybe you imagine a name or a new message. Ask yourself what you expect to feel when you reach for the phone. Usually, it’s a wish to feel connected or to know that you still matter. When you recognize that, the reaction begins to settle.
Each time you stay present through the urge, your brain learns that nothing undesirable happens when you delay the habit. The space between wanting to act and choosing to act becomes longer. The discomfort wears off gradually, and the new behavior starts to feel natural.
That is why change feels wrong even when it’s right. Your brain protects what it already knows and calls it safety. The feeling of fear is not proof of a mistake but a signal that learning is taking place. When you stay with that tension instead of escaping it, your body adjusts. The new pattern becomes familiar, and what once felt wrong turns into your new normal.
I hope that’s helpful.
Have a wonderful weekend
Shlomo Vaknin, C.Ht
P.S. We explore this topic in depth and share dozens of methods to reshape habits and thinking patterns in our new book: Change Your Personality: The Irreversible Method to Reinvent Yourself.